Sunday, March 30, 2014 don't want to read this

It's time that I come clean about something. For the past 6 years, I've suffered from depression and anxiety. Most of the time, it's controlled through medicine and me just being able to control it, but sometimes, if flares up and things get bad. Sometimes, REALLY bad. The thing that's most frustrating about it is that it stops me from doing things. One of the most common questions that I get asked in my life is "Hey, where were you?". This applies mostly to social functions. "Why weren't you at the party last night?" "Why didn't you go to (insert comic store name here) event?". I'll be honest, 90% of the time, I have to make up a bullshit excuse "oh, something came up at the last minute". "I found out too late about the party" get the idea. Instead of telling the truth and saying "I was at home, too afraid to leave the house".
-Now, the point of all of this is not to get you to feel sorry for me. It's not for pity, not for attention, not for anything of that sort. I just felt that it was time to explain the reason that I disappear from time to time. There's times where I just CAN'T function in social settings. And believe me, I've tried to "suck it up" and go to these things, but it never really works.
-I hate to say this, because it's SO cliched, but unless you suffer from this, I don't think you can understand it. Sure, we all get sad or "depressed" from time to time, but usually that feeling passes after time or you do something to get your mind off of things for a little while, but when you have chronic depression, even on the BEST days, there's a constant state of  "Hey, today's pretty good, but things still suck."
-You're probably thinking "Well, if your life sucks, then change it", I really wish it were that easy. Some days it takes everything that I can do to get out of bed in the morning. It's much easier to just maintain the status quo, then to even THINK about doing something that might make things worse. Even if the change I'm making is going to make my life BETTER, I'm too afraid that it might backfire and make things worse.
 -What is the point of all of this? Shit, I don't know. But, what I DO know is that I've been having these problems off and on since 2008, and the last year has been REALLY REALLY bad, and I'm really sick and tired of it. REALLY. SICK. AND. TIRED. So, I'm going to do something about it. What, you ask? I have no freaking clue. But, I've got to do something. Whether it's talk to a doctor, a therapist, punch big frozen sides of beef, cry until my eyes fall out, it doesn't matter, I've just got to get my mind and body right so that I can get on with my life.
-So, I'll be going on some self imposed "quiet time" and figure some things out. I'll still be around, I'll ALWAYS be at Challengers every Wednesday, I'll still be reviewing comics for Geeks of Doom, and for Challengers. I just won't be doing as much tweeting and promoting and blogging (not that I do this regularly anyway)until I've gotten things figured out. Until I get back to my old self. If you've stuck around this long and haven't given up on reading this, thank you. You deserve a reward. Here it is. It's one of my all time favorites, and I watch it whenever I can...

PS-You guys, my friends, are seriously all awesome. And I love each and every one of you. For real.


  1. Great clip, Jimmy. Great write-up by somebody who has a grip on what's going on, especially when it's so hard to control. I'm lucky right now, but what you're going through makes perfect sense. I hope you find comfort and guidance.

  2. This post could have been written by me. I have to add you to the Cave of Cool now just so I can follow your progress at making yourself a better person. I am trying to do the same.